Bits Of Babbling

Parking Lot Madness

UPDATE: Some changes have been made, not quite complete yet though!

The following is incomplete (more to come!) and hasn't been edited (Consider it a stream of consciousness writing for the moment... But SOME people keep bugging me to post so here it is! :P

Alright, well I suppose that its time for a new entry... I mean its been a week since the last entry which was apologizing for not having an entry for over a week. This time around I decided to expound on some of the other parking lot observations I've made other than the Camping Anti-Walker mentioned in a previous blog entry

Without further ado, I present you with a small cross-section of the parking lot population:

The Speed Racer:
Scoffing at signs marked with limits obviously meant for more mortal men, these are the cars you see racing around the parking lot as though it were a monster truck rally. These people perturb me because they have a unique talent for leaving destruction in their wake as they joyride through the concrete ocean of cars. I'll never understand why the 3 girls in the Wal-Mart parking lot had to slam on their brakes to avoid hitting me when they got to the end of the row of cars. I'll never understand why I nearly saw vehicular manslaughter as two collegiate idiots swerved around a corner at my university's parking lot, swerved around 2 or 3 people walking right in front of me, and proceeded to dodge a car (The narrow avoidance of the people put them squarely in the side of the road typically designated for oncoming traffic)

These are the lowest of the low in the parking lot pecking order

The Multi-Parker:
These are the people whose car is too good for a mere one parking spot. No, indeed their car deserves somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 to 4 spots - they are just that special. In my apartment complex there is a guy in a truck whose vehicle easily fits in one spot... but he decides it not only takes 2 spots for his truck, but also he needs the spot right next to the stairwell when he does this to ensure he wins the title of "Most selfish guy in the upper parking lot" award.

Sometimes the Multi-Parkers will travel in herds, evidence can be seen at the local supermarket near my parent's house. All of the employees park in the same area which, to my knowledge, is not designated soley as employee parking. This also happens to be a parking area which is convenient to get to since it is right off the road and thus happens to be where I like to park. The funny thing is that most cars in this area are owned by multi-parkers, though I did once notice that two cars were nice and shared a space between them so that they only took 1.5 spaces each.

A slight annoyance, but otherwise harmless breed, the multiparker will live on through the ages I am sure.

Close Parkers:
These are more common in parking lots because it is very rare that somebody will be a habitual close parker, for some people parking is a hit and miss affair and they only like to take one shot at it. Close-Parkers are the ones that hang on or over the parking divider line and make you nervous as to whether you should park next to them for fear of injuring your car.

When the truck in the upper lot of the apartments is unable to fulfill his role as a multi-parker, he opts instead to be a close parker. I swear he is incapable of ever getting anywhere near the middle of any given parking spot, and of course he always does this at the good spots near the stairwell. I understand that sometimes people are in a hurry and can't be bothered to get their vehicle off the yellow line - but habitual close parkers need to learn how to straighten out.

I recently found the need to pick things up from my Apartment, sure enough the truck guy had struck again. Not once, but twice! When I arrived and was about to take a picture I saw somebody coming, it ended up being HIM! Good thing I was paying attention or there woulda been some "splainin' to do Lucy." Luckily he returned from wherever he went and allowed me to snag a couple pics.
 

The close parkers are a common breed and are usually only an annoyance in crowded parking lots.

Spot-Scavengers
Much like the Camping Anti-Walker, this breed of person is only content with the perfect spot. They can exhibit the same trait of waiting the better part of five minutes for somebody to get in their car and move out and are thus often confused with the Camping Anti-Walker. No, this breed will actually take things a step further. Often known to cruise endlessly down one row and up the next until they can find an empty spot or a shopper who has that "close spot glow" which they will follow step by step till he reaches his spot. Should they have falsely identified their prey they will quickly break chase the instant he leaves their ASCZ (Acceptable Store Circumference Zone)

Those of you wishing to view this breed in their natural habitat will be best served looking for full parking lots. Some prime locations include University Lots at midday, lots inolving major sporting events, or nearly any parking lot involving any sort of store of decent size at Christmas time.

The Illegals
This is a rare breed what with the illegality and all, but I would be remiss to not include them amongst the species listed. For whatever reason, in a hurry, curiosity, just because they can, these folks can be found parking in handicap spots when they aren't able to completely invent their own spot. One can't picture this breed without recalling the Seinfeld episode where George parked in a handicap spot which led to ever-so-comedic destruction.

Posted by Michael at May 31, 2004 08:31 PM